in the end, it doesn't even matter
by autumnbreeze16
Summary: Even though you say it's not her fault, she smiles bitterly and says Yes, it is. Nico/Thalia.


in the end, it doesn't even matter.  
**nico **& **thalia**

_How easy it would be to show me how you feel,_  
_More than words is all you have to do to make it real,_  
_Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me,_  
_Cos I'd already know.  
_—Extreme; More than Words_  
_

* * *

**author's note**: wanted to write something nico/thalia, so i came up with this. thanks to my good friend for the beta.

(in case you were curious, this is written in second person; nico's perspective)

title is from _in the end _by linkin park.

**disclaimer**: not mine.

* * *

When you first hear Bianca is dead [forever], you feel dread and fury at Percy Jackson. Because he promised, [and heros are supposed to keep their promises]. But he fails, and he fails you and no amount of apologies can make you forgive him. So you crack a hole in the ground [literally], and you walk away.

You're a Son of Hades anyways, and they only hang around the dead. So that's what you set out to do. It's lonely, constantly being accompanied by the dead, but you don't complain.

* * *

You're not sure why the Fates are playing you, because you run into one of Percy Jackson's friends at a convenience store [in the middle of nowhere].

"Percy really is sorry, you know," she starts off, and you're a little surprised because some girl whose name you never quite picked up is trying to justify Percy Jackson and his unforgivable crime.

_But it feels nice to finally talk to someone alive—_

_Shut up._

"I'm sorry, but who are you?" you cut off and demand, not caring that you sound too hostile for your own good. She seems to take notice in your tone of voice, but she just looks amused about it.

She doesn't answer immediately. Instead, she fingers the plastic wrappers of candy bars so you take the time to study her. Raven black hair trailing down to her shoulders, electric blue eyes that remind you of lightning [that should have been your first clue], and a silver halo crown on top of her head. The minute you catch sight of the crown, you just feel dread [because you suddenly remember the dead spirit who once wore a silver crown on her head, and her name was _Bianca di Angelo_].

"Thalia Grace," she finally introduces, turning to look at you. Her eyes are big and all curious but reflect adventures and sad memories that make you a little nervous around her. How can a girl so young hold so much pain?

[You're angry that you can't raise the dead to get an answer to your question]

* * *

"Have you decided yet?"

You've been traveling with Thalia [who claimed she was on a solo mission in place of the Hunters] for awhile and you enjoy the company of her presence. Despite being a daughter of the almighty Zeus, she holds no smugness in her stance and her smiles are pure instead of hostile.

She's pure because she has all the right reasons, while you do not.

She has good reasons as to why you should forgive Percy Jackson, but you don't understand. You don't understand how pure Thalia Grace is practically begging you to forgive Percy Jackson. There is a nostalgic, peaceful, real way she talks about his bravery; but when you ask her about it [if she's in love with Percy Jackson], she gives him a real confused look and tells you Percy Jackson is in love with a pretty blonde-haired named Annabeth Chase.

When you ask her if she's ever loved someone, her electric blue eyes reflect memories again and you can't stop that feeling of something you can't place [_dreadenvycuriousity?_] settling in your stomach.

* * *

It doesn't surprise you when the dead know more about you than you know about yourself [because the dead have always been wise and all-knowing like that].

"That daughter of Zeus," one of them whispers to you in that wispy tone, "Is the lieutenant of the Hunters of Artemis, correct?"

It also doesn't surprise you when you realize that you forgot that Thalia Grace was supposed to be a part of the elite group of Hunters that had sworn off men forever.

"Yes, she is," You grumble in that stubborn, not-understanding tone. Where is that dead man going with this? "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Stop being so naive, King of Dead," the dead continue, no smugness or amusement in their tone. He was just listing a fact [and you know it, but you just keep denying it because you're knee-deep in shit and you can't get out]. "You feel something for the lieutenant, don't you?"

You hesitant a second, before you clench your hands into fists and punch the dead [because they're right and you just hate yourself more].

The dead whisk away like dust.

You wish you could do the same.

* * *

You're sitting next to Thalia Grace in front of the fire, the flames burning red and orange and you can't help but feel peaceful in front of it. Maybe it's because you're a Son of Hades, or maybe it's because you're sitting next to Thalia Grace [who makes you laugh more times than you can count].

_Maybe it's because you_ [_kindasortareally_] _like her—_

_Shut up._

* * *

The first time you decide to summon Bianca in front of Thalia, you don't hesitate [because you've done it so many times already]. You prepare your McDonalds and your soda and offer it to the dead, and a second later Bianca di Angelo is in front of you. Her body is transparent, and her eyes look dead [because she is] but you try to ignore that as you, once again, ask for her advice.

After she disappears into a veil of dust and the afterlife, you turn around and see Thalia Grace [tough Thalia Grace] crying. When you hug her [and she hugs you back, in which you then try to ignore the burning on your cheeks], you can hear her whisper "All my fault, this is all my fault."

"What is?" You grumble, trying to understand. For that blinding moment she looks lost and confused, and that scares you because Thalia Grace has always been tough and hard and charming and everything other than lost or confused.

"Bianca's death."

Your heart drops, because you can't remember the last time someone spoke those words out loud.

You want to say something. Anything. But all you can say is, "It's not your fault.", because it isn't [and it never was].

She looks at you through wet electric blue eyes, and suddenly a bitter smile plays at her lips. "Yes, it is." She sighs, and tries to rub at the tears wetting her cheeks.

"Bianca doesn't blame you," is all you can say. Even if it may or may not be true, you want to do anything to stop those sad tears falling from Thalia Grace's face [and you want to stop the lightning that threatens to fall from the sky].

* * *

"I have to go back," Thalia Grace announces in a quiet voice. It's mid-December, when the snow builds up below your feet and the world is caked in white. It's peaceful, [but you aren't anymore].

"I understand," is all you say, even though _no_ you _don't_ understand [you don't want to understand] because the past couple of months have made you happy [all because of Thalia Grace] and when she's gone your happiness is gone too.

But she's a Hunter of Artemis, and you're a Son of Hades [and maybe the two of you just aren't meant to be].

* * *

When you hear Thalia Grace got into a fight with Artemis, you immediately set out to search for her. You travel through the lands with the dead to keep you company [because you're lonely without her].

_Maybe it's because you_ [_kindasortareally_] _love her—_

**_Shut up._**

* * *

You see her sitting on a rock just outside the borders of the Hunters camp, looking dejected and lost in thought.

"Thalia..." you awkwardly start, not sure how to phrase the questions you have into proper words that she can understand.

She looks up, fixing you with those electric blue eyes [and it makes tingles of lightning travel down your spine]. "Nico..."

[It's at that moment when you realize that was the first time Thalia Grace ever said your name]

_It's actually a quite normal feeling—_

_Shut up. You love it._

"I heard you fought with Artemis," you recall slowly, knowing how pointless it is to beat around the bush.

The words seem to evoke some negative, difficult emotion she's trying to keep under wraps, because her eyes darken for a second.

[She's great at looking angry]

"She thought I fell in love with someone," she explains, her words careful and her tone contained.

You hold your breath [because a part of you knows the answer, but you still refuse to believe it]. "Who?"

A bitter laugh escapes her lips. "Is it that important to you?"

It takes a second, since _yeah_ it is important to you.

[You can deny it to everyone who asks you, but you know in your mind you are unconditionally in love with Thalia Grace]

"Did you actually love them?"

Thalia just shakes her head. "I don't know right now." But she looks up at you and there are so many words conveyed in a simple stare. You can't describe it, but everything NicodiAngelo&ThaliaGrace suddenly makes sense.

"I'm sorry," you find yourself apologizing, the words escaping before you can stop them.

Her eyebrows furrow, as if she's angry, [but you know she knows you understand now]. "It's not your fault."

You can feel yourself smiling bitterly, [and you get that serious deja vu that you've had this conversation with her before]. "Yes, it is."

**fin**

(if you're thinking _this is not a real ending_, technically, there is no real ending. what happens to nico&thalia next is completely open to interpretation. you can create your own ending. how cool is that?)


End file.
